Exclusive Interview: John Assaraf Shares A Variety Of Different Ways To Remove The Darkness

John Assaraf “The Brain Whisperer” is one of the leading high-performance, success coaches in the world. He is a behavioral neuroscience researcher who has appeared numerous times on Larry King Live, Anderson Cooper, and The Ellen DeGeneres Show. As CEO and co-founder, he grew Re/Max of Indiana from a startup to 85 offices and 1200 sales associates who sold over $4 Billion a year.

As CEO and co-founder, he grew Re/Max of Indiana from a startup to 85 offices and 1200 sales associates who sold over $4 Billion a year. John was also one of the founders of Bamboo/IPIX which went public on NASDAQ with a market cap of $2.5 Billion.

John has written 4 books including 2 New York Times best sellers that have been translated into 35 languages. He is the creator of the “Innercise” movement and has been featured in 11 movies, including the blockbuster hit “The Secret” and “Quest For Success” with Richard Branson and the Dalai Lama. Today, he is CEO of MyNeuroGym.com, a neuroscience-based company, dedicated to helping individuals strengthen their mindset, so they achieve their goals and dreams… faster and easier than ever before.

Yes. Can you share with us your back story? Because I know your backstory, I read and I listen to you all the time, but some of my audience might not know about it. I want to know what made you decide to commit to your goals rather than just be interested.

So, you know, the story goes back quite a while to my teenage years when I was getting in a lot of trouble with the law, doing illegal things, feeling like I wasn’t smart enough and wasn’t good enough because I didn’t do well in school and I left high school in grade 11.

I failed English and I failed math. While I was going through school, not only did my parents tell me that if I didn’t go to college, it would be very hard for me to make a good living and take care of a family one day, but that I would probably struggle and have a hard time because, you know, being average didn’t pay you average wages, it would pay you below average wages because there are so many people who are average.

And so, I had a lot of uncertainty and fear around not being successful in my life and being able to just cover the basics. Forget about success, which a lot of people think about, but just being able to cover the basics.

So when I was younger, I stole, lied, cheated, and sold drugs, I was breaking and entering into companies, and I was around 16 years old, about 42 years ago. Then I met this one man who was very successful, kind, and philanthropic. My brother had arranged for me to meet him for lunch, and so I took the train from Montreal, where I was living, to Toronto and met this man for lunch.

And he asked me a whole bunch of questions like why was I doing what I was doing? Why didn’t I study harder in school? Why wasn’t I using my brain to become more and why was I settling for less than I’m capable of having? And my standard answer was, I don’t know.

You know, a typical 18-year-old who says I don’t know. And he said, “Listen, do you have any goals and dreams?” And I said, “Yeah, I’d like to get a good full-time job, get out of the shipping department that I’m working in, I’d like to buy a car so I don’t have to take the bus everywhere or have my friends pick me up and rely on them, and I’d like to move out of my parent’s house.”

I think you know at 19 years old, I should probably be moving and not live under their roof. He says that’s all great, but what else would you like to achieve? And the answer was, I don’t know.

I had no other goals or dreams. So he gave me this sheet of paper or several sheets of paper and said, “Answer these questions and maybe I can help you.”

So, I looked at the document and the first question was, at what age do you want to retire?

And I’m like, I want a job; forget about retirement.

The second goal was how much net worth do you want to have.

What is net worth? I asked, “What does net worth mean?”

What kind of lifestyle do you want to live?

I didn’t have a problem writing that down. I said I wanted to live a first-class lifestyle and travel the world. I want to live in a nice home, I want to have a nice car, I want to have Italian clothes and things like that.

So, I wrote that and all of this stuff and I made most of it up out of my imagination, and he read it and he said, “These are some pretty good goals and a good vision for a life that you would like to have.”

He said, “I’m going to ask you this one question that’s going to determine whether you have it or not.” The question was, are you interested in achieving these things? Or are you committed?

And I looked at him when he asked me the question, and I was a little bewildered like a puppy dog, you know?

What’s the difference between interest and commitment? And then he said to me, “If you’re interested, you’ll keep doing what you’re doing.” He said if you’re interested, you’ll allow your old stories, your old reasons, your old excuses, your old beliefs, and your current habits to control your behavior and your thinking. He said, but if you’re committed you will create a new identity to match this new destiny. He said, if you’re committed, you will develop the beliefs of a person who can achieve these goals. If you’re committed, you will let go of the stories, the reasons, the excuses, or the present circumstances that are keeping you stuck and holding you hostage. He said that if you’re committed, you will do whatever it takes to upgrade your knowledge and your skills to match the level of success you want to achieve. 

So, I know it’s doable, and then he leaned in again and asked, “So are you interested? Or are you committed?”

I was scared. I was like, oh my God, he’s putting me on the spot and I don’t know why, but I blurted, very, very quickly, I’m committed. So then he reached out his hand. He said, “In that case, I will be your mentor.”

And I go, “Oh my God, that’s great. What’s a mentor?” And I had no personal development background at all.

He said a mentor is somebody who will show you the path, somebody who will show you what to do and what not to do and why, how to do it, and when to do it. A mentor will save you time, energy, and money to do the things that you should be doing and to stop doing the things you shouldn’t be doing. I was so excited, and so I said “Oh wow, that’s great, I want a mentor!”

Which was great because my father was a cab driver and really didn’t mentor me on anything other than hard work. And this gentleman, his name was Mr. Brown, he started to mentor me on being smarter and doing the right things, in the right order, at the right time.

That was the beginning of my eyes being open and the veil of low self-image, fear, doubt, uncertainty, and limiting beliefs galore, he started helping me work on my inner game, and the inner game ended up changing my other game.

So that’s what I’ve been studying for over 40 years – the neuroscience and the neuropsychology of behavior and results, specifically excellent results.

So Mr. Brown was your guru, because “Gu” means darkness, and “Ru” means the remover.

Oh yeah.

So you found your guru. How did you do it? How can we find our Mr. Brown?

Well, there are a variety of different ways to find ways to remove the darkness. We can read, we can go to YouTube and watch videos, we can be on social media, we can join groups, we can be part of masterminds, we can hire a coach, we can go and work for somebody who knows how to do what you want to learn how to do.

And so, the first part though, is to become resourceful in the absence of resources. So, I’ll give you an example:

Mr. Brown said, I’ll be your mentor, your guru, and I said, awesome, and the next thing he said to me, he said, well, I need you to move from Montreal to Toronto.

I said, but I don’t know anybody in Toronto. I said, I don’t have any money to get an apartment, I don’t have a car, I don’t have a job. He says, well, you don’t need money, a car, or an apartment, or a job.

First, you need to make the decision, then you figure out how to get all the rest.

I said, I know, but you don’t understand, I left high school in grade 11, and I have 60 dollars in the bank.

He says, that’s okay, make the decision, then you figure out how.

So I said, well, maybe I could move in with my brother – and my brother says I can move in with them for a short time and sleep on the sofa because it’s only a one-bedroom apartment that they live in.

And so, I ended up moving to Toronto, and then, right after that, he said to me, “I need you to enroll in the real estate school that costs $500 and it starts on April the 20th,” and this was in 1980 just to give you an example.

I said, “You want me to go back to school? I left school in grade 11, I failed English, I failed math, I’m terrible at school, and I need $500, but I only have sixty dollars in the bank, I don’t understand?”

He says, “First you make the decision and then you figure out how.” I said, “Mr.Brown, I don’t have any money, I can’t make the decision to go to school.”

He says, oh yes you can. He says many people think that you have to have the tools, the knowledge, the skills, and the resources before you make the decision. And he said, you know, John F. Kennedy made a decision to put a man safely on the moon and return him back to Earth before we even had the technology to be able to do that.

He says that average people look at their current circumstances and their pasts and they allow that to dictate what they do or don’t do. He says, highly successful people create a vision for what they want and then they use their powerful brains to figure out how they can because they must.

So I said, “Fine, I’ll find the money.” Well, my brother then said, “I can lend you a hundred bucks.” My mother lent me some money, my sister lent me some money. Then three weeks later, I moved to Toronto and took the real estate course.

Five weeks later, I passed the real-estate test because I studied every day, and he showed me how to. So in five weeks, I moved to another state. I found the money for a course that I didn’t have money for, and I passed the test even though I thought I wasn’t very smart.

I became a licensed real estate agent all because I made a commitment to doing it, even though I didn’t know how, even though I didn’t have the resources, financial or non-financial resources.

So, one of the greatest lessons he shared with me is that vision comes first, goals come second, and strategies of how you’re going to achieve them come third.

John, you’re not the only one who’s told me to make the decision. But how many times do we hear a mentor’s expertise and don’t do it? Just like your guru said, make the decision, and then we’ll figure it out later, commit.

Commit first then figure it out later, right? And yet we still have a hard time making the decision.

And the question should be why am I having a hard time making a decision? And the answer is because of fear.

So I fear that if I make the decision and I fail, then I’m a failure. I fear that if I make the decision and it doesn’t work out, then I’m going to be disappointed. I fear that if I’m disappointed and maybe I disappoint you I’m going to be embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged, or worse, rejected.

So, it’s not that I don’t make the decision because I don’t want to. I don’t make the decision because my brain is thinking about what might happen in the future if I can’t follow through to completion successfully, and then it’s causing me to feel that right now, and that puts the brakes on my motivation, which is really another word for a “motive” for my actions.

And this is where I’d look to answer those questions for 40 years in my research, and there’s behavior, and then if we want to go deeper, we understand what’s causing the behavior.

Not taking action is a behavior.

Procrastination is a behavior. Self-sabotage is a behavior, and the question is what’s causing me to not feel safe making a decision? What’s causing me to self-sabotage? And if we answer those questions, what I just shared are the reasons.

So the question then becomes: are there ways for me to feel the fear and do it anyway? Yes. Are there ways for me to upgrade my self-image so that, even if I fail, I’m not embarrassed or ashamed?

And even if somebody tries to ridicule me, it really doesn’t matter to me because I think more of myself than anybody else can, in a healthy way.

Tell us a little more. You talked about knowing what causes your fear, but how can we overcome it?

So, everybody understands you can exercise to strengthen your muscles, your organs, and your ligaments, but have you ever considered that you can inner case your core neuro muscles? What if we said that focus is a neural muscle, and you can learn how to focus on how to do something versus how not to do something?

What if awareness was a neuro muscle and you could be aware of the negative and the positive? What if you could be aware of emotions that cause feelings? Some feelings I want to move away from and some feelings I want to move towards.

Is it possible that my habits are just a cluster of neuro muscles that have been reinforced, and I could learn how to delete or get rid of disempowering habits? And if I understand how to innercise, do mental and emotional techniques, and do some physical work, I can strengthen new habits. Is it possible that our beliefs are neuro muscles?

And I have some that are weak and some that are strong, and it’s possible based on the latest neuroscience to create a new self-image that overrides an old self-image. So, our self-image is kind of like a self-image neuro muscle that holds itself in place and we walk around like we have a frame around our self-image and we take it everywhere we go.

Well, what if we could set aside our old self-image and create a brand new one, with more confidence, more certainty, and more personal power?

We can do that through behavior, of course, and taking inspired action and gaining more confidence and certainty. But we can also do that, for example, by visualizing ourselves taking action and by visualizing feeling the fear and doing it anyway.

And one of the sentences that I love in the world of visualization is, “In the human brain visualization is simulation.” And when we practice simulations that are new beliefs, new habits, or new self-images, practice makes permanent. So if we understand how our brain and our neuro muscles are formed.

What if we just said, okay, how do you build, let’s say a bicep muscle. Let’s say it’s weak, it’s very, very weak. Well, let’s say you just did this every day for ten days and you just squeezed the top and it would get stronger, right? Well, what if we took a one-pound weight the next week and I did this. It would get stronger, right?

And what if I did three pounds, then five pounds, then ten pounds? It might take me 90 days, but if I can only do my arm right now, and 90 days worth of practicing make my biceps stronger. What if I did 90 days of practicing with my brain?

And all the research shows that whatever we practice, we make permanent, and whatever is permanent that we reinforce, becomes fixed.

So, maybe we have some beliefs that are fixed that we just need to replace, maybe we have some habits that are disempowering us, we just need to replace them, maybe we have a self-image challenge that is just not healthy and we just need to replace our self-image, because we weren’t born with any fears, beliefs, or a self-image. We weren’t born with any of the things that are holding us back.

So innercise is really about how to use mental and emotional techniques that you back up with taking action, a little bit at a time so that in over 30, 60, 90, 180 days a year, you strengthen it and you have more confidence, more certainty, and more personal power.

So now your self-image, self-worth, and your identity match the destiny you want.

You see, I interviewed a lot of people about how to become a self-made millionaire, including Brian Tracy, and he said that in order to achieve something, you need to become it, as you mentioned about innercise, really becoming it. And I loved your story about your vision board for your dream house, and then you opened the box and you were with your son and you saw that picture. Can you tell us a little bit about that?

Sure. So whenever I want to create anything, whether it’s my physical body, a home, a car, or a trip.

There’s a big part of our brain called the occipital lobe, it’s in the back of our brain. So when light comes in through our eyes, cells in the back of our brain activate and an image pops up in our brain, and that image that pops up into our brain is connected to the motivational center and the thinking center part of our brain.

So if a negative image pops up, we reduce our motivation and we don’t take action and then we reinforce that pattern. But let’s say I have an image of something that I really want, something that inspires me, and as soon as I pop up that image in my brain I actually release dopamine.

Okay.

The reward neurochemical in my brain that actually creates motivation, is tied to what I call the “Einstein” part of the brain that can help you figure out how to achieve that thing.

And so I create images of what I want to create for health, wealth, relations, career, business, charity, fun, and experiences so that I can activate the reward circuits in my brain, the motivational circuits of my brain, and the thinking centers of my brain to help me figure out how to achieve it. But the other purpose of a vision board is to give your brain the instruction that this is the stuff that’s important to me that I want to create. 

We all have, you know, 50,000 thoughts a day. We all have so much on social media, whether it’s Facebook, Instagram, YouTuber, Clubhouse, or whatever, all the different stations and channels are in the people that want to gather our attention.

Well, why don’t we become better at focusing our attention on what we want to trade our life for?  When somebody is pulling us to look at their stuff like we’re part of their goals and dreams and their vision, versus me being focused on what it is that I want to trade my life for, and instructing my brain to help me find ways to trade my life for these things. That’s how to use your brain properly versus your brain using you, because it may not have been conditioned properly with the right beliefs, focus, awareness, and habits.

The next question John, what about when someone is really having a hard life and a hard time and they’re in this situation that they really don’t want to be in, like I don’t want to practice my inner case, I don’t want to visualize, what suggestions do you have for them when they have the dark night of the soul?

Wow, listen, if you don’t feel like doing something once in a while then you’re human, but let me know if this resonates with you and whoever is listening, do you agree with this statement? In life, you’re going to either pay the price of discipline or you’re going to pay the price of regret, discipline weighs ounces regret weighs tons.

That’s Jim Rohn, by the way. So, when you’re sitting there and saying I don’t feel like it, my question for you is, what do you not feel like doing? This little thing, or living a life of regret?

Wow, that’s huge.

So, let’s create a juxtaposition against what I don’t feel like doing, and let’s use contrasting to say are you okay with this being your character? Are you okay with this being your life forever? Are you okay with developing lazy habits and lazy disciplines? Are you okay for the next one year, ten years, twenty years, thirty years, having that as your modus apparanda and your identity? If you’re okay with that, then don’t do it, but then don’t complain and don’t want anymore.

But if you’re not okay with the short-term and long-term consequences of that decision, then here’s what I want you to say, “I know I don’t feel like it, but I will do just a little bit.”

Now, why just a little bit? Listen, I know the power of the mind when we don’t feel like it, but I also know the power of our brain when we say, “I know I don’t feel like it but I will just do one minute.” What does that do?

Now, you develop a new pattern of hearing and feeling “I don’t feel like it,” and then you are in control saying I’m going to override that and I’m going to do a little bit. So, let me ask you a question just to put this into perspective.

Can you jog a marathon right now? That’s a question for everybody who’s listening. Can you jog slowly a marathon right now non-stop, 26.2 miles?

Most people say no I can’t jog 26.2 miles. But let me just prove something to you, let’s say we made a commitment today. You’re out of shape, you’re lazy, you don’t feel like it, you can’t run a marathon, you don’t know what to do, you don’t know how to train, you don’t know what to eat, you don’t know how much to rest, you don’t know what help you need. 

But let’s say we committed that one year from now we’re going to jog a marathon together slowly and safely. If today you made that commitment, and all you did was get up, put on your running shoes and move in your living room for one minute.

Then tomorrow you move for one minute, and the next day for one minute, then another day for one minute, after seven days, you’d have seven minutes and you’d also have somebody who may have been lazy that didn’t want to, that didn’t know what to do, how to do it, when to do it, or why to do it, that now has exercised for seven minutes. Now, what do you think that does to your self-image and self-esteem?

“Hey, I just did something every day for seven days, maybe I can do more than I think I can.”

Now what if you started watching videos on YouTube or maybe reading a little bit or talking to somebody who has run a marathon to say, “Hey, what did you do to exercise within the months? What did you do to eat? What foods did you stop? What did you do for your sleep? How much rest did you get?”

You think maybe I should join a group of people who are beginners, and maybe in week two you just did five minutes a day, and in week three it’s ten minutes a day, and in week four it’s 30 minutes every two days.

Is it possible that if we made a commitment and we upgraded our knowledge and skills and we got into an environment where there are people that can help us and we can help them stay motivated, is it possible and probable that almost everyone one year from today could slowly and safely jog a marathon? So all that has to happen, is you have to make a commitment to not staying stuck right now, all you have to do is get started and do as little as possible to get in motion.

Why? Because an object in motion tends to stay in motion. Newton’s second law of Thermodynamics and an object at rest tends to stay at rest.

So what kind of self-image do you want? What kind of self-discipline do you want? What do you want to believe about yourself? That you’re lazy and undisciplined? Or that you can make a commitment and take a little inspired action every day.

Which one do you think will help you achieve your goals? Which one do you think will keep you stuck?

John, I feel like you really like opening up the map and breaking it down into small tasks. So just do this little by little a day and if you think the whole marathon is going to be super hard, you just need to break it down.

I wish this was taught in elementary school.

Yeah, I wish to.

What would you like to tell Mr. Brown your 18 year old self right now?

You don’t need to be so afraid of making mistakes. You don’t need to be so afraid of looking dumb. You don’t need to be so afraid of not having the knowledge or the skills, there are ways, there are teachers, there are books, there are coaches, and there’s more information available for free today than at any time in the history of our species.

So, I didn’t have a mentor or a father who knew all this stuff, and I didn’t like school.

I had lots of love but I didn’t have a mentor to teach me what to do, how to do it, why to do it, and to overcome my internal and external obstacles

In school, I didn’t have the right teaching because the classes were with fifty to sixty kids, and they couldn’t teach every kid who was struggling. So that’s what I would tell my younger self. I tell everybody today, if you’re really committed, there’s a way people will help you, but if you’re not committed, you’ll never find a way in. Nobody can help you because you’re not prepared to help yourself.

Thank you so much, John. Well, my last question is, what is the new exciting project that you’re working on right now and how can we reach out to you?

Thank you. For anyone wanting to dive a little bit deeper into this, pick up my book, “Innercise,” the new science to unlock your brain’s hidden power. It comes with nine brain training audios that are practically free, they’re worth like $200 and the book is $14 or $15 on Amazon and so that’s number one. If you want to learn how to make your brain better go to the brain-a-thon which is at brainathon123.com.

I’m all over social media so people can follow my work there, and I’m going to leave everybody with this one thought.

It’s 2021, and there are a hundred-eight or so billion humans that have walked on planet Earth since the beginning of our time as a species.

99.5% of what we want to achieve in health, wealth, relationships, career, fun experiences, and spirituality, has already been achieved by others and there are already blueprints for what we need to think, how to manage our feelings, what we need to do, and how to develop habits. The how-to’s that every one of us needs is already here, but you will only go after and find and apply all those things if you’re committed to it.

So make a commitment to training your life for what you love, and training your life for what will make you feel phenomenal. Then go and find those teachers and other people who are on the same path looking to achieve those goals because together if we help each other, we can achieve our goals faster and easier than ever before.

Wow, John, thank you so much for leaving your legacy. This will be carried on to the next generation. Your book about innercise is going to be the next book that myself and my two children will read together.

Thank you so much, Nim.

All right, we look forward to inviting you again for the next time. Thank you so much for your time today John.

Thank you.

Contact John Assaraf:
http://www.johnassaraf.com
NeuroGym®
PO Box 5005 #138
Rancho Santa Fe, CA 92067
Email: support@myneurogym.com